Symbiosis - Conversion part 2

2543 (12-1st-6) New Calendar - Prima Centurai

“Hello, worker. How are you feeling?”

A4368A rolled her head toward the voice with a monumental effort, ignoring the pain in her neck. Baroth was walking towards the bed, one arm carrying some sort of pot. Carefully, he set it on a shelf on the wall beside her at head height before sitting down, trying to position his weight delicately in the chair. She watched him, too tired to really answer.

Baroth leaned forward, his elbows on his knees.

“Inge tells me that your muscles have stopped going into spasm. You must be pleased,” he prodded gently.

She merely looked at him. Exhaustion weighed her down, making her eyelids heavy and her tongue feel thick. Baroth seemed to want her to say something; she wished he didn’t. After a moment, he seemed to realise as much, and smiled sadly.

“Are you tired?” he asked.

She willed her tongue to move, forced her vocal chords to make sound.

“Yes,” she slurred.

“Part of the withdrawal, I’m afraid,” he said, looking down. “I’ll go. Let you get some rest.”

Baroth stood to leave, and A4368A felt her heart lurch, speeding up abruptly.

“No!” she managed, and he turned back, eyebrows raised. “Can’t sleep. I …”

Her vocal chords seemed to stick, and her voice faltered. Baroth nodded at her thoughtfully.

“Okay,” he said, moving to something in the wall. A4368A couldn’t see what he was doing, but after a moment he came back towards her with a plasteel cylinder, with a hollow rod poking out of the top.

“This may help your mouth,” he said, “if you want to try it. Do you know what drinking is? Can you remember?”

She thought for a moment.

“Yes?” she suggested.

“This is water,” Baroth said. “It might feel a bit strange to try drinking it, because your stomach hasn’t contained anything for years. Do you want to try it?”

She thought. “Water?” she asked.

He smiled. “Do you remember us talking about wanting things, last time? Do you want to try this water?”

Ah. She considered that. Something tipped her desire.

“I…want to …try it…”

Baroth’s smile stretched into a grin.

“Well done,” he said softly, gently inserting the rod into her mouth. “You seem to be exhibiting a healthy amount of curiosity. Try to suck it, can you – yes! That’s it.”

A4368A squealed slightly as the alien sensation filled her mouth, pulling at the wrist straps momentarily. The water ran over her taste-buds, ungluing her tongue and leaving an oddly fresh feeling. It tasted of purity, somehow, and nagged at her mind, giving her an obfuscated memory of wind, and… Water in the sky, falling… rain? She felt high, elevated, full of light…

The memory slipped away as she reached for it, so she focused on the water in her mouth again. Cautiously, she swallowed. It slid down her throat, and she concentrated on the feeling of it, fascinated, following the coldness until it stopped in her stomach. Baroth watched her. She glanced at him, her fatigue briefly forgotten by this strange new experience.

“Cold,” she informed him. He laughed. She stared at him.

“Sorry,” Baroth murmured. “It’s a reaction by my body to show that I’m happy. I look forward to you being happy.”

Happy? Falling water, that curious sense of elevation. Had her body reacted so? She wondered.

“Did you think anymore?” Baroth asked her gently, rather ironically interrupting that thought. “After I saw you last?”

“I…” Was she thinking now? She was thinking now. “Yes. Now.”

Baroth smiled, and stroked her forehead.

“I know,” he said. “And very well, too.” Pride suffused her. Was she happy now? “What I mean is, did you think about emotions any more, like I asked? Or your name?”

She thought, trying to remember. There had been great pain, and she had been cold, and then the pain had slowly gone away, but before that she had…wanted things. She had felt something.

“I felt something,” A4368A informed him. “When I was hurting. I wanted it to stop, but it wouldn’t… And then I wanted to get up and – move. And damage things,” she finished. “I didn’t understand.”

Baroth looked thoughtful for a moment.

“Anger,” he said. “You were angry. Inge said you might be, it’s part of the withdrawal apparently.”

“Anger,” she said quietly. It had made her want to damage things. And fear had made her want to leave. And – what had Baroth called it? – curiosity had made her want to know his name, and what the water tasted like –

“Water,” she said. Baroth obliged.

– and had that been happiness? She’d wanted to – what? She couldn’t remember. And then Baroth told her that she was good at thinking, and then she was proud…and maybe happy, a bit…so she’d wanted to please him again, to make him happy. And she wasn’t happy when he wasn’t there, because she wanted him back.

“What’s…not happy?” A4368A asked.

“Sad,” Baroth answered, watching her closely.

“Emotions are when I want things!” she concluded with a flourish. “Except happy, maybe. I don’t really know.”

Baroth stared at her for a minute, his mouth open.

“That’s exactly what I’d hoped you’d say,” he said finally. “Yes. Perfect! I mean, not entirely, and not when this discussion reaches a higher level, but in the meantime: perfect!”

A4368A beamed.

“You’re happy now, by the way,” Baroth told her. “You’re smiling.”

Ah. That was happy. It felt good. She liked it.

“Okay,” Baroth said, running his hand through his hair. “Let’s think. Do you – can you understand liking something?”

A4368A thought.

“No,” she said.

“Right. The water. Did you enjoy it? Do you want any more?”

“I want more,” she agreed. “It was good.”

“In other words, you liked it,” Baroth explained. “And when you were hurting, you didn’t like that.”

She thought about that. It certainly made logical sense. The water was good. The pain was bad.

“Good and bad?” she asked. “If it’s good…then, I like it? But if it’s bad…I don’t…”

“Exactly!” Baroth was almost bouncing in his seat, ignoring the chair’s screams of protest. “If you think it’s good, then you like it. Can you think of things you like?”

“Water.”

He chuckled. “I should have been prepared for that. Anything else?”

“I like happy. I think I am now. I like it.”

“Excellent! Anything else?”

She thought hard. She had felt as though things were good, what were they? There hadn’t been anything else, not like the water –

“Water,” she added. Baroth obliged.

- but there had been things, because she’d wondered if they’d made her happy, hadn’t she?

“When you said I was good at thinking,” she said. “And – when you came here. I…didn’t like being just with me.”

“Alone,” Baroth said, nodding. “Excellent. You’ve done extremely well today, worker. Have you remembered your name yet, by the way?”

“No.” She looked away. “I don’t want to.”

“Only your name. Nothing else.”

“I’m scared to.”

Baroth blinked. “And why’s that?” he asked.

“I don’t know.”

“Okay.” He sighed and stood up, putting the water on the shelf next to the odd pot. “I’ll have to leave now, I’m afraid, but –”

“I don’t like these,” A4368A said, pulling at the straps around her wrists. “Can they go?”

“In one more round of medication, yes,” Baroth answered, glancing at the water for some reason. “They’re just there until you’re physically better again. We don’t want you hurting yourself. Soon,” he added, as she pulled plaintively at them again. “Anyway. I want to know your name, worker. Remember your name for me.”