Sunday 13 May 2007

Symbiosis - Conversion part 1

2543 (9-1st-6) New Calendar - Prima Centurai

Pain racked her body again, and A4386A cried out, pulling against the restraints that strapped her to the bed. She felt dizzy and nauseous in equal parts; her stomach churned, and made her mind race. Was she dying? Was this what death felt like? She didn’t want to die. She didn’t want to be here anymore, in this cold white room that hurt her eyes, and showed her only herself in the mirrors if she looked the wrong way, pale and shaking and drenched in sweat, eyes wide and wild. She wanted to...feel…better again. She wanted the clenched feeling in her stomach and the burning feeling around her heart to go away. She wanted to return to work.

But most of all, A4386A wanted to stop thinking. Especially as she didn’t understand what she was thinking, and that confused her more. She wanted it all to go away. She didn’t want to die.

“It’s fear,” a deep voice said gently beside her. “That’s what you’re feeling. You’re afraid.”

A4386A twisted her head to the side and saw the enormous man sitting there, looking at her. Her mind felt muddled, and she found that she wanted more information.

“Who - ?”

“My name is Baroth,” the giant said, his voice low and rumbling. “I’m here to help you.” Oddly, A4386A found herself comforted by that.

A desire for knowledge filled her again.

“Fear?” she croaked, her voice barely louder than a whisper. He nodded, and tenderly brushed her forehead with the back of one massive hand. “It hurts,” she managed.

“Yes, it does that.”

“I don’t…” she trailed off, and then cried out as another wave of pain hit her, heaving on the straps. They didn’t break. “I don’t want it anymore!” she said desperately. “I want to go back to work! I want it to go away!”

“You want?” Baroth asked. He seemed to ponder it as he laid a cold gel pack across her forehead, soothing the pain inside. “Do you want anything else?”

“What? I – work, I want to work…”

“No, no,” Baroth murmured, and reached out and held her hand. “I know that. This is going to be hard, worker, but I need you to try and think, okay?”

Confusion filled her. He wanted her to think? But she couldn’t, she was a worker. The need to explain filled her.

“But – I can’t. I – ”

“Yes you can, worker. You are right now, you just don’t understand it.” Baroth squeezed her hand as her body rebelled again, every nerve on fire, and she screamed. He paused for a second to ensure she had fully subsided before continuing.

“You asked me who I was,” he said gently. “Did you want to know the answer?”

“Y-yes…”

“Okay,” he murmured. “So, you want to go to work, and you wanted to know my name. What else do you want?”

A4386A thought. Want? What else did she want? She wanted to go back to work. She didn’t want to be here any more, in this room and strapped to this bed. She didn’t want to hurt any more. She didn’t want to die. She didn’t understand.

“It hurts,” she whispered again. Baroth squeezed her hand.

“Do you want the pain to go away?” he asked.

“Yes!”

“Good! What else?”

“I don’t know!”

He sighed, and ran his free hand through his hair. “Alright,” he said. “What don’t you want? Can you tell me that?”

“I don’t want to die,” A4386A whispered.

“No,” Baroth said wearily. “No, nor do I.”

“I want to know why,” A4386A managed, her teeth gritted. “I want – I want to know why I hurt. And why…and what’s happening to me. And why I’m scared. And I want to speak. Only I don’t know why.”

Baroth stared at her, and she trembled. He seemed unsure of what to say for a moment.

“You’re changing,” he said at last. “You’re slowly starting to experience emotions again, but unfortunately you’re starting with the full pantheon of negative emotions. You won’t hurt for long,” he added, placing his free hand on the gel pack on her forehead, “and you’ll be happy soon. I’m going to make sure of that.”

“Why am I changing?” she asked.

“Because you’re needed,” he said simply. It confused her, and thinking about it too hard made her feel nauseous, so she stopped. “We need you. Can you remember your name?”

“A4386A,” she answered.

“No, your name. From before you became a worker.”

“No!” She felt an odd sensation around her heart, and her breathing became shorter. “I don’t want it! I don’t want to remember.”

“Ah.” Baroth squeezed her hand tightly. “Okay. I will have to go now, but I’ll come back soon. Do you want me to come back?”

“I don’t want you to leave,” she whimpered.

“I’m sorry,” he said, standing up to his full considerable height. “But I’ll tell you what – I’ll come back sooner if you can do something for me.”

“What?” she asked desperately.

“Practise thinking for me,” he said. “About things you want, and things you don’t want. And try and work out the differences between the things you’re feeling. Will you do that?”

She nodded fervently, and Baroth smiled at her. Carefully, he pulled his hand free from her grip, and made his way to the door. At the doorway he turned back.

“Oh – and try to remember your name. Nothing else,” he said as she began to protest. “Just your name.” And then he left, leaving her to Think.

2 comments:

Jester said...

Excellent- I think my favourite section so far. Very good build up of both characters- particularly the changing thought patterns.

I'm also beginning to get my answer about the name thing- I suppose I'll just have to wait for the next installation to find out the results of her Think!

Steffan said...

Wow, this is absolutely blinding. Feels like the pay-off to a slow burner, starting the story proper. Very evocative stuff.

Love several nice touches, like the capitalisation of the word "Think", and Baroth's understated sympathy.