The Fifth Housemate: Part 3

February 10th
Four Days Before the Aliens

1:25pm

"Gone in four days, then?" said Jeremy.

"That's what he said," replied Laoren.

"Lao, I don't think you're taking this entirely seriously."

"Could you possibly panic more, please, Jeremy?" asked Laoren. "You haven't quite reached the point of distressed hysteria yet."

"We're sheltering an illegal alien."

"I don't think immigration laws apply to extra terrestrials."

"I just think we should tell someone," said Jeremy. "Or at least come up with a back-up plan. Like, get him to agree that if we get in trouble, we get to say he threatened us."

"We'll do no such thing," said Laoren. "Come on, Jeremy – I told you because I thought you'd back us up. Help us out."

"How can I possibly help?"

"Keep Mel and Greg off the scent," said Laoren. "Come on." She sighed. "We've got a day in hand, anyway, since Greg's got another of his safety training things. I was hoping we could use today to plan the next three."

"So we're going to casually have an alien around the house, hidden from our down-to-earth housemates?" asked Jeremy. "You realise that was the premise of a seventies sitcom, yes?"

"Mate," said Laoren. "Don't be so mental. This isn't weird – this is cool. We've got an alien guest. From a completely different culture. Think about what we could learn."

"I suppose there is that ..." said Jeremy. "Hey, I could show him my Doctor Who collection! Find out whether human sci-fi is good enough for him." Jeremy nodded decisively. "Yes. Treat him as a human being. That's the way. He speaks English and uses toilets. He's practically human."

"He's got blue skin, you know."

"Shut up."

-10001-

2:05pm

"Is this what all television is like?" asked Trenavass.

"This is just the Hartnell era," said Jeremy. "From Pertwee onwards, it's in colur."

"Does the ... screen stay this shape?"

"It's in widescreen from the Eccleston era onwards ..."

"And what's widescreen?"

"Well. Like this screen, but wider."

"Still a rectangle?"

"Yes."

"Oh."

Jeremy frowned.

"Alright, what shape are televisions on YOUR planet?"

Trenavass mumbled something.

"What?" asked Jeremy.

"I'm not sure I want to say now."

"Alright, I'm sorry," said Jeremy gently. "What shape are your technologically advanced and no-doubt superior TV screens?"

"That shape," said Trenavass, indicating Jeremy's glasses. "Only, joined in the middle. Fills the maximum eye space that way."

-10001-

2:15

"I don't understand why those teachers have barged into the spaceship," said Trenavass.

"Sixties plotting for you," said Jeremy.

"And why does the spaceship look like a blue box?"

"That gets explained."

-10001-

2:25

"That was exciting," said Trenavass. "I wonder where they are."

"You'll see now."

They waited as the credits rolled, and finally ...

"What's special about that year?" asked Trenavass.

"It's the time of the cavemen," said Jeremy. Seeing that Trenavass had turned his head to look at him, he added, "Back then, we lived in caves. Hence, cavemen."

"I know little about them," said Trenavass. "This programme will be an interesting learning experience."

"Probably best mention that this programme takes a few liberties with the facts, then ..."

-10001-

7:25

"Are you STILL watching Doctor bloody Who?" asked Laoren, entering the room.

"Actually, we were about to put it off," said Jeremy.

"Good."

"Because the Marco Polo story doesn't exist anymore, but I've got a CD with the soundtrack ..."

"Cancel that," said Laoren. "I've got supplies of organic food, and I'm making a feast."

As they followed her into the kitchen, Trenavass turned to Jeremy.

"How is it that the story does not exist?" he asked.

"The copies were destroyed," said Jeremy. "Back in those days, they didn't think to keep them."

"Interesting," said Trenavass. He paused for a moment. "You know, we've been intercepting human signals for decades. We probably have all of these stories on record."

Jeremy froze.

"In fact, we have a lot of your science fiction, in order to study human space lore," he said. "It's why I was so surprised that Laoren had never seen a spaceship. Your television suggests that they're many and varied."

"You have ... the Doctor Who missing episodes."

"That's right."

"Take me back with you."

-10001-

8:40

Laoren placed the plates on the table.

"Grub's up," she said.

Trenavass and Jeremy sat by their plates. Trenavass examined his with some trepidation.

"I'm not sure I can eat this like this," he said.

"What's wrong?" asked Laoren, concerned.

"Normally," said Trenavass, "It's necessary to remove my helmet before eating."

Laoren looked towards Jeremy. Jeremy seemed unsure at first, but eventually nodded.

"Fine," he said. "But you'd better have part four of The Tenth Planet."

-10001-

9:30

"That was delicious," said Trenavass. "I must say, human cuisine is bizarre – I've never tasted of the ingredients, let alone the recipe."

"Strange that you like it, then," said Laoren. "It normally takes an average of eleven exposures for people to develop a taste for new foods."

"Can you grow beards?" asked Jeremy.

"Yes, we can," said Trenavass. "In fact, I had one until very recently."

"Did it look like your hair?"

"Wavier," said Trenavass.

"Anyway," said Laoren. "Greg'll be back soon, so we need you hidden. And we'll need to decide what to do tomorrow."

"Is there anywhere outside where we could go?" asked Trenavass.

"There's a beach I like to walk to," said Laoren. "Hard to get to, so there's never anyone there. Although I can't imagine how we'd get through the town."

"I could cloak myself briefly," said Trenavass.

"Cloaking?" said Jeremy. "Like, invisibility?"

"Yes," said Trenavass. "Only works on my suit and spaceship, though – can't cloak anything else."

"Still, that's some cool alien technology."