Tuesday 12 June 2007

ASBO-Boy - Stop the Press!


Evening Post
Thursday December 1st 2016


The Elementals Return!

The ASBO terror sweeping the Sandfields culminates in a tragic fire. Thousands injured, hundreds believed dead.
The city was stunned yesterday as one of its poorest Wards went up in smoke. The fire, believed to have been started by a rogue group of terrorist ASBOs, spread quickly spread through the narrow streets and tightly packed terraced houses, forcing residents to the Sandfields’ most narrow point.

Fire services and The Authorities reacted quickly, moving in to combat the fire and help evacuate the survivors. However, due to recent population fluctuations they were overwhelmed by the sheer numbers of people and a pile-up was inevitable. Thousands were crushed as they tried desperately to scale the illegally built ‘shanty’ houses.

Almost at the last moment, the Elementals made their arrival and led the rescue operation, combining all of their abilities to stop the fire and get everyone out. An official spokesperson for the Elementals revealed that the organisation has been restructured. “We wanted to make it clear that they are of the people and for the people,” the Spokesperson revealed at a press conference later, “This is why they have had their uniforms redesigned and why they now have badges. To all intents and purposes they are part of the Police.”

Their three week absence was noted by many critics in the Council and this led to anxiety that they were being disassembled. “We never had any intention of disassembling the Elementals; we merely felt that after the incident at Dyfatty their effectiveness could be strengthened.” When asked about the events at Dyfatty on November 5th, the Spokesperson declined to comment.
The clean-up operation begins.
Work to repair the damage done to the Sandfields is underway, but the residents will not be able to fully return to their normal lives for several months. The least affected houses will be converted into temporary housing for as many people as can feasibly return. The rest will be housed in emergency accommodation along the sea front.
The Hunt for the ASBOs
The search for the four youths responsible for yesterday’s catastrophe began in force this morning. Beacon, on behalf of The Elementals, speaking at a press conference at Elemental Tower, made this statement: “Terrorism of any form will not be tolerated. In this instance the poor have suffered a devastating loss and we will not rest until we have brought to justice those responsible.”

The police are issuing warrants for their arrest and wanted posters are going up all over the city.
Millionaire Believed Dead
David Self, an entrepreneur, local hero and owner of the Vetch field and the timber factory that was the target of yesterday’s terrorist attack, is believed to have been lost in the disaster. Forensic experts, who arrived on the scene early this morning after the fire subsided, have begun work scouring the ruins of the factory for evidence. Self was seen working that day in his office at the heart of the building. Eye-witnesses reported a confrontation between him and one of the ASBO terrorists.

Self was an open and generous supporter of the Elementals. His twin son and daughter, Swelter and Elixir (15), both members of the current line-up, are said to be devastated.
A Question of Privacy
The issuing of this Newspaper’s first photograph in fifteen years has caused a media storm up and down the country. The City Council permitted the move in the belief that its shock value would emphasize the positive aspects of yesterday’s disaster as opposed to the negative. “It is important, that the public are confident in our abilities to defend this city. By showing the Elementals in action we believe we are doing the right thing.”

The question of privacy is one that has raged for decades. In many circles this photographic image has been deplored as political pornography and propaganda. Other, more liberal parties believe that the right to take photographic images should be extended to everyone.
Fashion Furore!
Our resident matron of the fashion world gives her views on the stunning new look for the Elementals:

Beacon: “Always the handsome leader, he looks very smart and grown up in his new uniform. The cut of the jacket and the more mature colours make him look older and lend weight to his authority. Oh, and that haircut makes him look ten times more dishy!”

Elixir: “A petite, slip of a girl has blossomed into a young woman with her new look. The fitted jacket and leggings are straight from the catwalks in Milan and Paris, and in six months they’ll all be copying her look.”

Swelter: “Sensibly they’ve kept his uniform similar to Beacon’s and Elixir’s, tying in with the more streamlined military look for the team. His new haircut makes him look every bit the bad boy.”

Siren: “The exception to the rule, it seems. They’ve kept her in a much more feminine costume, all in a gorgeous, angelic white. The cut of the cloak and the skirt over leggings and boots will have her on posters in every young boy’s bedroom. Divine!”


2 comments:

Jester said...

That's a fantastic drawing and I love the way that it's been tied in with the legistlature about photographs.

The whole article was really well put together and thought out: beautifully formatted as well! I particularly liked the "Fashion Furore" touch at the end- what a great device for discussing the appearance of the characters!

I'm also glad to have the 'Mr Self as father to Elixir/ Swelter' plot point confirmed- he alluded to it in the previous post- but it's very exciting to have it officially confirmed.

Jom said...

I put his name on the orange SA1 poster yonks ago as a bit of a tease, then Steff pointed out that no-one could read the print. Ah well!