Friday 17 April 2009

Scribblers: Going Solo - Part Three

INT. DA PIT. DAY.


The Scribblers are all watching one of their big screen tellies.

Behind them, out the huge Pit windows that inexplicably look out across the city, it's raining.

On the telly SEDGE is standing in from of the TOWN HALL making a speech to the press.

SEDGE (V/O)
It is with deepest regret that I ask for the Scribblers, wherever they are, to stand down and surrender themselves to an investigation. In the light of their contribution to the city over the years, we give them the opportunity to do so with dignity.

REPORTER (V/O)
Does this have anything to do with the fact that you don't know where they live?

SEDGE (V/O)
The location of the “Scribbler's Pit” is a secret known only to the -

REPORTER (V/O)
Where are they then? Where is it?

SEDGE (V/O)
That's classified - another question please?

REPORTER 2 (V/O)
What have they done wrong?

SEDGE (V/O)
We wish to speak to them regarding a number of legal matters -

REPORTER 2 (V/O)
Are they under arrest?

SEDGE (V/O)
They will be questioned by the police and the Department of Superheroic Affairs -

WRAITH
There!

Wraith pushes pause and points at someone in the crowd behind her.

WRAITH
That's him! Nemesis-KUN.

FINESSE
The slimy bugger who had a go at you in the Hare-Krishna Charity Den, that you then defeated with mashed potato?

WRAITH
Don't diss my methods. Besides, it worked for Bodger and Badger.

FINESSE
Fancy paying him a visit?

WRAITH
Hells yes. I'll get my new shoes!


Smiling, Wraith disappears.


CHRONAL
(Sigh.)

FINESSE
(pointing at Sedge)
For the record we're not doing a thing that crack whore says.

SHIFT
What if it's about those tax returns we didn't fill in?

FINESSE
Dammit, I thought we'd sorted those! We should hire someone to do our admin.

SHIFT
We should probably do an honesty sheet for filling in boring forms.

LYRIC
I don't think that those PAYE forms got done either. Or those P40 jobbies. Tax is literally taxing. I don't care what that northern lass on the adverts says.

CHRONAL
(Sigh.)

FINESSE
We'll sort that crap out another time. For the time being I want the stops pulled out on this Sedge situation. I'm not having us taken down by politics. That happened in Civil War and that was too shit for words.


Finesse holds up a PRINT-OFF from the video footage from the dam. It shows Foxglove in the B/G and PATHOS in the foreground.


FINESSE
While Wraith is off sorting out his trap/troll, I want this one found.

CHRONAL
(Sigh.)

FINESSE
If you sigh one more time I'm going to break you.

CHRONAL
I think the Time Wang has given me indigestion.

FINESSE
Great.

CHRONAL
Interestingly though, it was raining like this on the dam.
(beat)
Sigh.

FINESSE
Rain, eh? Weather powers perhaps. Shift and Lyric, see what you can do about this newbie.

LYRIC
Consider it done.

SHIFT
Good. It'll give me a chance to take my mind off the infuriating panda.

LYRIC
What infuriating Panda?

SHIFT
I met a Panda who could talk. He rubbed me up the wrong way. Pandas are almost as rubbish as donkeys.
(Beat)
Jeepers, if I'd met an Un-Donkey I may actually have killed him.

LYRIC
I'm lost.


Shift and Lyric exit stage left.


FINESSE
Amity. Carry on with this Goon situation. It might lead us somewhere. And don't examine him in the living room, it's enough of a mess already. Take him down into the bowels of the Pit and examine him in the examination rooms which we apparently have.

AMITY
Aye-aye skipper.

FINESSE
Chronal and I are going to intimidate a public figure.

CHRONAL
Sigh.


EXT. ROOFTOP. LATER.


It's still bucketing down.

Shift and Lyric are standing next to a gargoyle. They are very wet.


SHIFT
You sure he's going to turn up?

LYRIC
Eventually. He normally does.

ZIMBARDO (O/S)
Lyric. Shift.

LYRIC
There we go.

SHIFT
Seriously, he actually announces people?

LYRIC
He has a menacing internal monologue as well. Fortunately, we don't have to listen to that.
(to Zimbardo)
We're looking for a cape.


He holds up the picture of Pathos.


ZIMBARDO
Curious. That explains the weather. His name's Pathos, he feeds off emotions, gives him enhanced abilities. It's like a curse to him. He's addicted. One of the side-effects is literal pathetic fallacy.

SHIFT
Oh. I just thought that was because the woolly plot is in that act three slump where everything looks bad but in reality everything is rattling towards a steady conclusion.

ZIMBARDO
That too.
(beat)
On the off chance. Do you know this Cape?


Zimbardo holds up the picture of Marionette.


ZIMBARDO
She was clawed to death and I know you occasionally have claws.

SHIFT
Don't know her. We're fairly mainstream heroes though, we don't really go in for the whole final solution nonsense.

LYRIC
(We aren't really allowed to call ourselves heroes.)

SHIFT
Oh? I thought it was more like a job-description.

LYRIC
(Zimbardo gets touchy about it.)

SHIFT
Screw him. No offence. I'm sure he's a very nice noir-cynic.
(beat)
Sorry. Still a little teed off about that Panda.

ZIMBARDO
Panda?

SHIFT
Yeah. Name's Gary. Lives at the zoo, know him? He's rubbish.


Zimbardo stands up and looks into the middle-distance.


ZIMBARDO
Surely not...

SHIFT
Hang on, let me look at that picture.


She looks down at the clawed remains of Marionette then looks at her hand.

It turns into a Panda's hand. She opens out the claws. The marks look as if they were done by a panda.


SHIFT
(irate)
The little so-and-so.

ZIMBARDO
You'll find Pathos somewhere where there are lots of easy targets. Public places. I seem to remember he liked hospitals a lot.
(beat)
I must leave. I have to see a Panda about a murder.


He takes the photo and dashes off.


INT. SEDGE'S OFFICE. LATER.


Sedge's office is empty. All apart from Wraith who is opening draws invisibly.

Bits of paper fly around the room.

One of them stops in middair.

Wraith materialises holding the piece of paper.

WRAITH
WINS!


EXT. TOWN HALL ROOF. DAY.


Sedge is standing on the roof. Smoking. The bitch.


FINESSE (V/O)
They'll be the death of you.
(beat)
Or I will. I don't mind which.
(beat)
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, I was going to give you a piece of my mind. Here it comes: ECO-TERRORISM? POISONING RESERVOIRS? BLAMING US FOR STUFF WE HAVEN'T DONE JUST TO BRING US INTO CUSTODY?

SEDGE
Oh no sweetie. The “blaming you” bit's legit. It's about tax-returns, PAYEs and P40s. There's enough stuff from the Inland Revenue to keep you under wraps for time. Well. Just enough time for me to finish what I've started.

FINESSE
Well, you're labouring under the impression we're going to come easily.

WRAITH (o/s)
She's not an eco-terrorist. She's just a bloody business woman. One who takes her work a bit too seriously. “Foxglove” is just a little ruse.

SEDGE
So totally not true.
(beat)
Who said that?


Wraith appears hovering over them all holding several bits of PAPER.


WRAITH
Resolution get.

FINESSE
I wish Lyric would make me shoes like that. Or a suit. I'd bloody love a suit. That's a hint by the way.

CHRONAL
Who are you speaking to?

FINESSE
Sorry. I think I went a bit meta then for a second. Where was I? Oh yes. Sedge. Your eco-shennanigans are over.

SEDGE
Hah! Yeah right. I now own all the major resources that supply this city. This city now entirely depends upon my good graces for its water, power, food and birthday cards.

CHRONAL
Not the birthday cards!

SEDGE
Oh yeah. You heard me. No birthday shall be celebrated in this town without giving me three hundred percent profit!

WRAITH
You bi-ATCH!

FINESSE
Well. We'll see about that, won't we?

The door bursts open and a load of SECURITY GUARDS tramp out.

SEDGE
Excellent. I knew I'd installed those silent alarms for something -
(to the guards)
Arrest the Scribblers!

Just at that moment Chronal starts sneezing -

Having the foresight and experience, Finesse grips onto him and takes advantage of the little pauses in time that each sneeze brings -

She drags him across the roof and throws him off it onto an obliging TRANS-BIKE which is hovering below the roof -

Jumping onto the saddle/seat, she guns the engine and they soar off into the distance.

Meanwhile, Sedge et al are left looking bewildered, having just experienced the daylight equivalent of a strobe-lighting freak show.

WRAITH (O/S)
Owned.
(beat)
Later. Losers.


INT. HOSPITAL. LATER.


Lyric and Shift are wandering through the wards of Dinas Hospital.

It's eerily quiet.

The patients are lying in their beds moaning in a curiously choral fashion.

LYRIC
Wow. Sinister moany harmonies.

SHIFT
Indeed.


EXT. HOSPITAL ROOF. LATER.


The door slams open and Lyric and Shift bound out in fighting poses. Standing on the other end of the roof is PATHOS.

The storm clouds swirl around in the sky above him.

PATHOS
The pain! Such blissfull pain!

SHIFT
You know, I think he's genuinely getting the merries off other people's pain and discomfort. That's a little bit disturbing.

Lyric pulls Ystrydebol from her scabbard and holds her aloft.

LYRIC
Smiting is a well-known cure for that kind of thing.

They both run towards Pathos in Attack Pattern Beta -

Shift transforms into a Rhino -

Lyric charges up a Link style energy wave -

But just as they're both about to attack two lightning bolts blast them backwards.

PATHOS
I don't think so Scribblers. All of these juicy patients are making me more and more powerful.

SHIFT
Great.

Lyric pulls out his commuicator.

LYRIC
Amity? We've got a bad-guy here with emotional issues - care to lend a hand?


INT. PIT - EXAMINATION ROOMS. SAME TIME.


Amity is examining the goon and ticking off things on a checklist.

AMITY
Lyric? I'll be there in a second - just finishing up - it seems this guy owed a lot of money to Bamboo LTD -

LYRIC
We need you now!


EXT. PARK. LATER.


Finesse, Chronal and Wraith are in the park, walking in the general direction of the zoo.

WRAITH
Trust me. The Panda is the key to everything. Sedge doesn't own all those companies in her name, she's done it via the panda - who used to be a bloke called Gary, who owned loads of stuff and was rich, etcetera - but now he's a Panda because he's on the run from the Inland Revenue and the D.S.A. - it's all a bit complicated.
(takes a breath)
Basically. If we can get hold of the Panda, then we've got Sedge by the short and curlies.

FINESSE
Fab.
(beat)
Don't say “short and curlies”.


EXT. PARK - PANDA PEN. NEXT.


The Panda is gone. Zimbardo is crouching down feeding a load of pigeons.

FINESSE (O/S)
Zimbardo.

ZIMBARDO
Ha ha.

FINESSE
Where's the Panda?

ZIMBARDO
I don't know.

WRAITH
Christ. Not you again.

ZIMBARDO
Wraith. And Chronal I see. I've just been having a very interesting conversation with these Pigeons.

FINESSE
This guy's a cartoon.

ZIMBARDO
Do not mock my methods. I believe Shift would tell you all of the usefulness of Pigeons. They have agreed to scour the city for our Panda.

CHRONAL
In exchange for what?

ZIMBARDO
Fast food.


EXT. HOSPITAL ROOF. LATER.


Amity's Trans-bike lands on the roof.

Shift and Lyric are eating sandwiches, nearby Pathos is still floating ominously.

AMITY
Got here as fast as I could.

LYRIC
Excellent. We got tired of fighting him, so we went to get lunch. You hungry?

AMITY
I'm good - hang on, I know that guy...
(to Pathos)
You're that creepy bloke from the park.

PATHOS
Nobody understands me.

AMITY
I thought you needed help - but feeding off other peoples' emotions???

PATHOS
I tried to explain to you - but you would not listen.

AMITY
Don't you even dare think of blaming me for this.
(beat)
We need to seperate him from the hospital - we need to break the connection. Scribblers - Attack Pattern Zappa!

LYRIC
Understood.
(beat)
One insulated rope, twenty metres, lassoo ended.

Lyric, using newly materialised lassoo, lassoos Pathos.

Pathos tries electrifying it, but it doesn't work.

Meanwhile, Shift turns herself into a Gorrilla, storms forward, grips him around the waist and then throws him into the air, towards the PARK below.


EXT. PARK. A SECOND LATER.


BOOOM!!!

Pathos lands in a heap in the middle of the park.

A shadow passes over him.

It's Finesse. She's holding a communicator.

FINESSE
Understood... good work kids.
(to Pathos)
Icky, icky powers. I think I'll be taxing those. Children who can't play nicely, can't play at all.

The delay in Pathos' powers causes him to wither, with fewer people to steal from he goes into withdrawal.

Shivering like a wreck, Finesse heaves him onto her shoulder and walks off into the distance.


INT. PIT. LATER.


Pathos is in a big, lead lined box.

The others are standing around, twiddling their thumbs.

There comes a little tap at the window.

Wraith opens it and lets a PIGEON inside.

The Pigeon transforms into Shift.

SHIFT
He's on the Hydro-wave. So's Foxglove.

FINESSE
Scribblers, to the Trans-bikes!


EXT. HYDRO-WAVE. LATER.


The Trans-bikes glide through the air and land on the Hydro-wave.

It's eerily quiet, below them is the throbbing of a powerful engine.

The Scribblers dismount and look a bit heroic.


INT. HYDRO-WAVE CONTROL ROOM. SAME TIME.


Gary, who has been watching them through the security system, points at the camera and grunts.

Foxglove turns and looks.

FOXGLOVE
Too late kiddies.

She twists and enormous DIAL until it's on 11.

BANG!

The door shoots off its hinges.

Enter, the Scribblers.

Sedge is holding a massive HAMMER.

FOXGLOVE
Ha ha! You're too late Scribblers - this little piece of environmentally friendly nonsense is my ace in the hole! It's set to overload, when it does it'll send a thirty metre tidal wave towards the city and not even you'll be able to stop it! Ahahahaha!

She raises the hammer -

WRAITH
She's going to smash the control!

Wraith pulls a pepper shaker from his pocket, unscrews the end and throws it at Chronal -

CHRONAL
What did you do - ah -- ah--- ahhhh!!!

FINESSE
Genius!

Finesse and Wraith grab onto Chronal's arms as he SNEEZES! One big, epic - to end all sneezes - sneeze.

CHRONAL
ACHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finesse and Wraith charge forward as the world around them slows to a crawl -

Foxglove's hand swings the hammer in slow motion -

Finesse gets there in time and kicks it out of her hand while Wraith twists the dial back to normal.

Time slips back to normal.

CHRONAL
That was completely unnecessary - now I've got pepper in my eyes.

AMITY
Where did you get that Pepper from?

WRAITH
Pinched it from the Hare Krishnas.
(beat)
What?

FINESSE
(to Chronal)
Well, at least you aren't sighing.

CHRONAL
It does seem to have cured my indigestion. I don't think I'll be playing around with Time-Wangs again.

SHIFT
And rightly so.

Gary the Panda tries sneaking past her, but she glowers at him.

SHIFT
And where do you think you're going?

Gary the Panda looks forlorn.

FOXGLOVE
You'll never get away with this! I'll have you arrested!

LYRIC
Arrest yourself.

SHIFT
Yeah! We happen to have evidence that links you to a murdering panda!

WRAITH
A Panda you've been financially canoodling with to do all your crime!

The door slams open and Zimbardo enters.

ZIMBARDO
Scribblers.

SCRIBBLERS
Zimbardo.

ZIMBARDO
Touché. I think I'll take the Panda from here. There's a nice padded cell waiting for him.

LYRIC
Just who exactly are you?

ZIMBARDO
I'm just a citizen with an eye for justice.

Zimbardo pulls out a badge - it's a GOLD SHIELD with the letters DSA underneath.

AMITY
The Department of Superheroic Affairs!

WRAITH
Yeah right.

FINESSE
Who just happens to talk to Pigeons. Weirdo.

ZIMBARDO
Be seeing you, Scribblers. Fair thee well. Oh, and about those Tax Returns - I'll put in a good word for you.

Panda in hand, Zimbardo exits like a mysterious.

FOXGLOVE
What are you tools going to do now?

CHRONAL
All things considered, I think it's time for another election.


INT. DA PIT - GARAGE. MUCH LATER.


Lyric is standing in the middle of the garage reading from his little notebook.

Hovering around him are bits of metal - nuts, bolts, gears and gizmos - all coalescing into one massive shape.

AMITY
He's been at it for hours.

WRAITH
I think he's building a jacuzzi.

FINESSE
The hell he is.

SHIFT
Where's Chronal?

FINESSE
In his Duck Sanctuary - doing something lame, I'm sure.

The shape begins to look recognisable - wings, a cockpit, big engines.

AMITY
Better make him a cup of tea, he's going to need it after this.

Finally, the 'thing' is finished.

The other Scribblers join Lyric, who seems to have melted into a puddle of limbs on the floor.

FINESSE
A new Trans-jet! Awesome-o.

LYRIC
It's the Giga-jet.

WRAITH
Sweet.

Collectively, their communicators start bleeping.

SHIFT
(into her communicator)
Yes?


INT. DUCK SANCTUARY. SAME TIME.


Chronal is looking both shocked and awed.

CHRONAL
I think you guys need to get down here. Pronto.

He hangs up.

REVEAL: A normal looking door, standing in the middle of the room.

He opens it to reveal a dusty landscape beyond.

He checks behind the door to see if anything's there, but all he can see is himself, through the door frame.

On the other side, the landscape is still there.

In the distance he can see a city.

A newspaper flutters through the door with the breeze.

It reads: Daily Tribune - The Carnival is in town!

4 comments:

Quoth the Raven said...

Woohoo! Crossover ahoy! Oh, my, that's exciting. We might finally find out who Omega is. Iceduck is still convinced she's me, mind.

Anyway, since it has apparently become my standard way of responding to Scribblers posts, I'm going to review in list form. So:

1. I love that incredibly bolshy and confrontational reporter. "Where are they, then? Where is it?" is the most childish attempt to interview a politician ever. I giggled.

2. Finesse's hatred of Civil War and, therefore, the situation. Right on the nose; I genuinely rolled my eyes and got pissed off at the Scribblers being 'arrested' there. Stupid crack whore. Not that I'd use that term myself, but I nonetheless supported its sentiment.

3. "If you sigh one more time I'm going to break you." I saw it coming! I still laughed!

4. "Jeepers, if I'd met an Un-Donkey I may actually have killed him." I'm still laughing at that one. Although; 'Jeepers'?

5. ZIMBARDO TAX! I adore him. He clearly has the whole Punisher's War Journal thing going on in his head. He's brilliant.

6. "Screw him. No offence. I'm sure he's a very nice noir-cynic."
(beat)
"Sorry. Still a little teed off about that Panda."

Very Jester. Good work on that one.

7. Sedge smokes. The bitch.

8. Ach. My one real complaint, though: your dynamic between Chronal and Finesse doesn't work at all here. You realise he never ever makes sexist jokes, yes? And, and this is important, he never makes any sort of offensive joke if I'm angry. That would just make me Angry. I got a bit pissed off just reading that, and I wasn't even genuinely there or angry. That would totally instigate a Long and Boring Talk, except it would be a genuine one.

9. A suit? Why would I want... wait, do you mean armour? Sweet Jesus I'd like armour!

10. NOT BIRTHDAY CARD TERRORISM, YOU MONSTER!

11. Ah, Chronal can't just freeze time; he can SNEEZE time!!!!

(tumbleweed)

12. Pidgeon pay-off get!

13. Shift and Lyric are eating sandwiches, nearby Pathos is still floating ominously.

You can't comprehend how much I laughed at that. If nothing else of this story gets drawn, that panel must be.

14. "That was completely unnecessary - now I've got pepper in my eyes."

It was unecessary, but I'm still laughing at that one, too. Every time I re-read it I giggle.

15. ZIMBARDO
Scribblers.

SCRIBBLERS
Zimbardo.

I LOVE ZIMBARDO!!!

16. New Trans-Jet! Wahay! It hadn't been a problem yet, but I was already finding the lack of one tiresome. Now we have the Giga-Jet!

And crossover ahoy! Scribblers: to the Duck Sanctuary! Brillaint.

Jom said...

8. Sigh.

The problem of writing a mirror of a genuine relationship. It's fairly inevitable I was going to get this a bit wrong. Apologies abound.

It will be ret-conned.

Blossom said...

Thoroughly enjoyed this! I really liked Chronal sighing for ages and then just saying "sigh" by the end!!

I actually gasped at the crossover bit - YAY!!!

Thought Shift particularly stood out as well-represented here, especially her meta line about the woolly middle section! Made me laugh!

Was sad Amity didn't get pay-off for build up in the last ep with Pathos, but never mind!

Can't wait to read the crossover!

Steffan said...

Wonderful! I'm going to be pretending there's a big jump to the future for the final two scenes, though, since some of my stories depend on an unfixable Trans-Jet. That's just for my nit-picky slot-it-all-together game, though.

Anyway! Brilliant dialogue throughout, and great new characters. Really nippy too, which I like - jumping from scene to scene to scene, so there's no room for boredom.

And cool set-up for the crossover. Hope to see more of that soon.