Friday 15 February 2008

Scribblers: One-Up Mushroom (Part Two)

Scene the First. We are in some sort of Sinister Room, with lots of complicated equipment set up and humming away. There are some large cages along one wall. KAYLEIGH is in one, still asleep. A RANDOM SCIENTIST (whom I forgot to set up in the previous issue because I didn’t read my own plan. Let’s call him Geoffrey) is in the cage next to hers. The NARRATOR is leaning against a wall looking surly and like he’s trying to compose angsty teenage poetry. Loser. MR. SINTARO enters the room, all suit-wearing mobster boss. He even carries a cane.

SINTARO
Ah, Narrator. Well done! Did you have any trouble?

NARRATOR
No. Well, the Scribblers turned up again, but the plan worked. They didn’t even know I’d been there until it was too late.

SINTARO
Hmm. They may be a problem, as pathetically inept as they are. We shall have to deal with them. Any chance they followed you?

NARRATOR
None.

SINTARO
Really. Well, we’re well defended here, anyway. Were my suggestions helpful, by the way?

NARRATOR
Yeah, the heart attack thing was great! I’d never have thought of it, I don’t know how you do it.

SINTARO spares him a look that leaves us in no doubt as to his opinions on the subject of the NARRATOR ‘thinking’. He walks over to his Strange Equipment and turns one section on. It’s like a high-tech greenhouse, complete with compost in the bottom.

SINTARO
Come then! Let us start. Wake her up.

NARRATOR
And then Kayleigh woke up.

KAYLEIGH wakes up, sits up and looks around in mild alarm. She doesn’t bother with clichés, though, because she’s not that kind of girl. Instead she moves straight for the side of the cage to look at GEOFFREY.

KAYLEIGH
Geoffrey? Are you all right?

SINTARO
He’s fine, just dazed.

KAYLEIGH
Really? Who are you?

SINTARO
Ah. Fifteen years of reaching for fame, and still… “Who are you?”. Most dissatisfying.

KAYLEIGH
Try X-Factor. They let anyone on.

Scene the Next. Meanwhile, back at the Machynlleth Biochemical Research Centre (which is in Machynlleth), the Scribblers are finishing handing the Hired Goons over to the police. AMITY comes and rejoins them.

AMITY
It’s official, guys – not one plant missing.

SHIFT
Go us!

FINESSE
Yeah, but still no Kayleigh. I think they took her.

CHRONAL
But why would they take her and no plants? It makes no sense.

FINESSE
Yes it does. We were guarding the plants, remember? They couldn’t have gotten them without risking damaging them. But if Sintaro already has the necessary equipment, then Kayleigh can just grow the plants for him. He has his own never-ending supply.

CHRONAL
That is the worst news ever. You know what kind of news that is? The worst ever. This is not a good day.

AMITY
But why would he need a never-ending supply of it? He only needs to take that serum once.

SHIFT
If it works. It may well not, it’s still experimental.

FINESSE
Or he could be looking to give his Hired Goons and Thugs powers, too.

CHRONAL blurs for a second, and then looks decisively at them.

CHRONAL
Right. We need to find Kayleigh; that’s the mission. Amity?

AMITY
I can’t feel anything from her. She’s not scared or anything. She might be unconscious, I suppose.

CHRONAL
Stay on it – she’ll get worried as soon as she knows Sintaro’s plan for her. We may need to act quickly. Lyric – tell us about the Narrator.

LYRIC
Sorry?

CHRONAL
That’s who took Kayleigh. It’s on the CCTV; he went right to her lab.

AMITY
What? How?

CHRONAL
Lyric?

LYRIC
I didn’t realise he even had powers until the warehouse earlier. I have no idea how they work.

FINESSE
He can narrate stuff into being. Kind of like Lyric’s power, but non-physical. He makes stuff occur rather than physically manifest.

There’s a pause as they look at her.

FINESSE
What?

CHRONAL
Worst. Day. Ever.

AMITY
I need tea.

SHIFT
We all need tea.

FINESSE
Can I have hot chocolate?

CHRONAL blurs again, and is suddenly holding a print-out with information and a mini google map on it.

CHRONAL
Okay, children. Sintaro is head of a company called Transporters Of Reprobate Yobs, who shift offenders about the country to various prisons, detention centres and others. Presumably this is where he gets so many henchmen from. They have warehouses about the country, but three main ones that I think are likely: one in Swansea, one in Cardigan and one in the old nuclear station, just outside Trawsfynydd. If Finesse is right and he’s wanting tonnes of this plant, he’s going to need space for all the equipment. It probably would need to be somewhere more secluded as well.

WRAITH
Where’s the one in Swansea?

CHRONAL
Fforestfach.

WRAITH
Not that one, then.

Scene the Next. KAYLEIGH is standing at the front of her cage, SINTARO is still evil, NARRATOR is still surly and GEOFFREY is still one-dimensional. In fact, everything is still pretty much the same.

KAYLEIGH
So, I see you’ve set up a cultivation and extraction plant for the XGH.

SINTARO
How perceptive. Indeed I have, Professor Jones, and before we proceed I must explain your predicament to you. I know all about your powers: the room we are in contains no plant life whatsoever. It has been fumigated to clear it of spores, even. We are surrounded by twenty metres of solid concrete on all sides, in an area that has itself been cleared of plant life for half a mile. The only things here that you can possibly affect are XGH spores. Do you understand?

KAYLEIGH
…You think you cleared a half-mile wide area of all plant life?

SINTARO
I know we did, Professor. Now; to business. The XGH spores are in the germinarium. If you would make them grow for me, I’d be much obliged.

KAYLEIGH
And what’s the Evil Bad Guy Ultimatum?

SINTARO
I’ll kill Geoffrey if you don’t.

KAYLEIGH
Ah.

Scene the Next. Still in the Machynlleth Biochemical Research Centre which, for those who are interested, is in Machynlleth.

AMITY
I’ve got her!

WRAITH
Kayleigh get.

SHIFT
Where is she?

AMITY
North. She’s not happy. She’s worried about someone.

FINESSE
Sintaro has a hostage?

SHIFT
What a big awkward. Did you know, by the way, that the word ‘hostage’ comes from the Old French ‘hoste’ meaning ‘guest?’ And yet we also get the word ‘host’ from it, which is really the opposite of ‘guest.’

FINESSE
That’s interesting.

LYRIC
Er… should we go to Trawsfynydd, then?

CHRONAL
To the Trans-Jet, Scribblers!

AMITY
Hooray! I packed sandwiches!

Scene the Next. KAYLEIGH and GEOFFREY are alone in their room, KAYLEIGH pacing. GEOFFREY is now awake, and showing signs of developing an extra dimension.

KAYLEIGH
I need a beer.

GEOFFREY
Can’t you break us out at all?

KAYLEIGH
I’m scanning for anything botanical below us, but I haven’t found anything yet. They were good at clearing the area.

GEOFFREY
Will he really kill me?

KAYLEIGH
Probably. Did you see the emo guy, though? I’m surprised he wasn’t sitting in the corner slitting his wrists.

GEOFFREY
I’m going to die…

KAYLEIGH
Probably.

The NARRATOR enters from the side and looks at KAYLEIGH in a no-one-understands-me kind of way. Loser. KAYLEIGH looks pointedly at his wrists.

NARRATOR
Have you started yet? Why is nothing happening yet?

KAYLEIGH
Because it takes time. They’re difficult plants to grow. Are your sleeves that long to hide your scars?

NARRATOR
What? I don’t have scars.

KAYLEIGH
Yeah, right.

NARRATOR
I don’t, okay? You wouldn’t understand anyway.

KAYLEIGH
Jesus stop whining at me! I don’t care!

GEOFFREY
Um… excuse me?

NARRATOR
Uh…yeah?

GEOFFREY
Are you going to kill me if she doesn’t grow all of the plants? I mean… there seem to be several hundred…

NARRATOR
I dunno. Ask Mr Sintaro.

GEOFFREY cries.

KAYLEIGH
Why are there so many plants, anyway? He’s never going to need that many plants just to make one serum.

NARRATOR
(Grinning a smarmy Gethin-like grin of rubbishness) Because it won’t all be for him! He’s going to make a super-team, like those Scribblers; and then he’s going to take over the world!

Dramatic chord.

Scene the Next. The Scribblers land in the grounds of the old power station outside Trawsfynydd, cloaked in one of WRAITH’S invisi-bubbles. CHRONAL faces them all.

CHRONAL
The doors are all heavily guarded, and we’re going to need the element of surprise for find Kayleigh before the hostage is killed.

AMITY
His name is Geoffrey.

CHRONAL
Yeah, you know what I don’t? Care. Split up, team; take an entrance each. We’re all in communication with each other so just shout if you need help. Ready?

LYRIC
Captain ready.

They all express sentiments of readiness and get the crap out of the Trans-Jet to do something about it. SHIFT turns into an adder and slithers across the grass to a side door, guarded by two Hired Goons with guns. Before leaving the grass she turns into a lady bird and crawls under the doorframe. Once inside, the lady bird stops and twitches for a few seconds before turning back into SHIFT, who resists the urge to look for her other four legs.

SHIFT
(Whisper) I’m in.

CHRONAL
Good work!

At another door into the building, more Hired Goons are standing nearby with guns like walking clichés. AMITY approaches them, just out of sight.

HIRED GOON#1
So, I was playing Halo last night. I totally beat the final boss on hard mode, it was awesome.

AMITY grins in the shadows, and HIRED GOON#2 stops smiling and rolls his eyes.

HIRED GOON#2
Yeah okay, whatever.

HIRED GOON#1
What? I did! I didn’t even die!

HIRED GOON#2
Oh, no one beats the final boss without dying at least twice, okay? I’m not stupid.

HIRED GOON#1
Ironic statement, there. You may not be able to hold a joystick straight, but the rest of us are actually good at some things, dude.

HIRED GOON#2
Yeah, like lying and… that’s about it for you, actually, isn’t it?

They have a bit of a set-to, all fists and broken noses. AMITY slips inside.

Around the corner, FINESSE waits for her pair of Hired Goons to investigate the noise and sneaks in when their backs are turned. LYRIC makes one of his doors in the wall and uses that. WRAITH goes invisibly up a fire escape and gets in that way. CHRONAL, meanwhile, merely waits for his pair of Hired Goons to step away from their door slightly, and then freezes time to enter.


CHRONAL
So far, so good. Let’s go, people.

Scene the Next. GEOFFREY is crying. KAYLEIGH is kneeling on the floor of her cage, her hands flat against the floor, concentrating. The NARRATOR has mercifully crapped off again. No one cares.

KAYLEIGH
Come on…come on…

GEOFFREY
Have you found something? What is it?

KAYLEIGH
I’m not sure, it’s quite faint. But I think I’ve found some Japanese Knotweed.

GEOFFREY
So? What’s the point! A plant can’t get through concrete! I’m doomed.

KAYLEIGH
Japanese Knotweed can get through concrete, Geoffrey.

GEOFFREY
Oh. Really?

KAYLEIGH
Yes.

GEOFFREY
So… how long before I’m saved?

KAYLEIGH
A while. I might not be in time…

A door opens at the other end of the room, and SINTARO enters, looking all mobster-bossy.

SINTARO
Ah. Professor Jones. I see that you have yet to produce even one sprout of XGH for me.

KAYLEIGH
They’re hard to grow. And you’ve asked me to do three hundred.

SINTARO
Indeed I have. However, I find I grow impatient. I rather suspect, you see, that you aren’t even trying.

He steps over to GEOFFREY’S cage, and pulls out a gun. He levels it at GEOFFREY, who promptly faints.

SINTARO
One sprout. Now.

KAYLEIGH
I can’t just –

SINTARO
Focus on one sprout and grow it, now. Or Geoffrey dies.

KAYLEIGH
And then what would you use as leverage?

SINTARO
Oh, come now, Professor! We both know that there are plenty more Geoffrey’s out there, should I need them. One sprout. I’ll count to three.

KAYLEIGH
Alright!

She focuses on the seed beds beyond her cage. Nothing happens.

SINTARO
Three.

KAYLEIGH
Shut up and die.

SINTARO
Two.

KAYLEIGH
You look like that guy from Torchwood, you know.

SINTARO
One.

KAYLEIGH
It’s done! There, I’ve done it.

The sprout in the seed bed does that speeded-up-film-growing thing. KAYLEIGH sits down looking exhausted. SINTARO smiles.

SINTARO
Thank you, Professor. I shall return within the hour to see the next one.

He takes the plant and leaves to serum-ise it. KAYLEIGH smiles, and presses her hands to the floor again.

Scene the Next. AMITY is walking through a big hall. It is empty.

Suddenly, more Hired Goons appear as is their wont, for more gratuitous fighting. There are about ten of them. They see her.

HIRED GOON#3
It’s a Scribbler! Get her!

They are about to run at her when suddenly they all kind of stop, and slump a bit.

HIRED GOON#4
What’s the point? We kill her, so what?

HIRED GOON#3
Yeah, you’re probably right, actually. I mean… What happens then? What reward will we actually get? We’re not likely to be on the Team.

HIRED GOON#4
Exactly. What kind of life is this, anyway? Following someone else’s orders is all we ultimately do. There should be more to life than this.

There are general murmurs of agreement.

HIRED GOON#4
I need… I need to go and think about this…

They all wander off to re-think their lives. AMITY is terrifying.

AMITY
Er… excuse me? Sorry…

HIRED GOON#3
Yeah?

AMITY
What did you mean when you talked about a Team?

Scene the Next. GEOFFREY is awake again, and KAYLEIGH is still kneeling. She doesn’t seem to have moved, but she’s shaking slightly with exertion and sweating. SINTARO comes in.

SINTARO
Professor? Do you have anything for me?

KAYLEIGH
As it happens…

Tonnes of Japanese Knotweed come bursting through the floor, tearing the bars of the cages out of the wall. GEOFFREY leaps up and runs away like the big girl he is. A spear of Knotweed goes through SINTARO’S foot; he screams and breaks it off with his cane, hobbling for the exit. KAYLEIGH staggers out of the room.

Scene the Next. FINESSE is walking down a random corridor. More Hired Goons, etc.

FINESSE
Oh, Jesus god, seriously? Not one power among you all?

HIRED GOON#5
Heh. Looks like you’re caught, Scribbler.

FINESSE
Apparently so – wait a minute.

Japanese Knotweed bursts through the floor as KAYLEIGH staggers around a corner, clutching her head. FINESSE directs it straight at the Hired Goons, and karate chops them all in the neck as they all hop around with speared toes and things. That taken care of, she turns to KAYLEIGH.

FINESSE
Ooh. Flower Power. Are you okay? You look exhausted.

KAYLEIGH
I need tea. Or beer. Or fizzy-good make-nice. And thanks for taking over, there. I couldn’t control it any more.

FINESSE
Thanks for turning up. I shouldn’t do super-heroics alone.

AMITY
(Over the comm.) Guys? We have a problem. I’ve just found out Sintaro’s Definitely Evil Plan…

Scene the Next. CHRONAL, AMITY and SHIFT are the first to meet up, in what was probably a canteen or something.

AMITY
It’s a super-team! He’s not just going to use it on himself, he’s going to create Anti-Us!

CHRONAL
You know, I keep thinking I’ve heard the worst news ever, but really. That record just keeps getting broken today.

SHIFT
Um… at risk of making it worse, there are people coming. Lots of them.

CHRONAL
Lots?

AMITY
Yes. Lots.

A crowd of Hired Goons arrives, headed by the NARRATOR trying to look cool. CHRONAL sighs.

CHRONAL
Who is this guy, anyway?

NARRATOR
It won’t matter to you soon enough. And then Chronal couldn’t freeze time. Attack!

The Hired Goons attack as the NARRATOR stands back, not getting his hands dirty. CHRONAL grabs AMITY’S arm and pulls her behind SHIFT. SHIFT, in the meantime, becomes a lioness and launches herself at the first wave.

CHRONAL
Did you make him say that?

AMITY
What? No!

CHRONAL
I mean instead of ‘And then Chronal couldn’t use his powers.’

AMITY
I… no, I didn’t. I don’t get it. Why didn’t he just de-power you completely?

In front of them, SHIFT pounces on one set of Hired Goons; as they fall, another set raise their guns at her and she transforms instantly into a peregrine falcon, making them all miss. She arcs over their heads and drops down behind them, changing again as she falls into the polar bear and knocks them down; as she lands on her fore-paws, more come up behind her, and she becomes a Shire horse and kicks them in the teeth.

CHRONAL
Maybe he’s just an idiot. Can you keep him reckless like this? Too caught up in the moment to think of anything else to say?

AMITY
Oh, yes. Excitement with a healthy helping of testosterone.

CHRONAL
Excellent… oh, the cavalry’s here, look. That is good news.

LYRIC and WRAITH arrive just as SHIFT takes out the final Hired Goons, leaving her snarling in the middle of the floor as a fully grown and royally pissed off tiger. The NARRATOR has backed up a way nervously, watching her. He sneers a bit on seeing LYRIC.

NARRATOR
Oh, here to try again, are we? Do you want another heart attack? I could do it, you know. To all of you.

FINESSE
(Over the comm.) Chronal! Kayleigh’s fine, but Sintaro has some of the serum! I don’t know where he is!

CHRONAL
Will you -?

LYRIC
Go, dude. We’re fine.

CHRONAL speeds off past the NARRATOR and out of the room. SHIFT snarls as he passes. She’s clearly lost control a bit.

NARRATOR
And then Shift attacked her team mates.

LYRIC
Chainschainschainsandboltsallmetal

As SHIFT pounces at them, a chain appears around her hind leg, bolted to the floor. It stops her; she’s too far gone as a tiger to think of changing form.

NARRATOR
And then Amity fell-

He’s cut off as WRAITH clouts him over the head invisibly. AMITY falls over rather than asleep. As the NARRATOR hits the floor, LYRIC does his chain thing again, this time tying up the NARRATOR instead. AMITY sends him to sleep.

LYRIC
I need to learn how to make gags for evil verbally-powered super villains.

AMITY
Yes. (Pause) Who is he, Lyric?

LYRIC
He’s… my brother!

AMITY
Really? Your brother is a super-villain? Shocking.

LYRIC
Yeah. Anyway… he’s beaten now.

WRAITH
All his base are belong to us.

LYRIC
Exactly. Now – what do we do about Shift?

Scene the Next. SINTARO’S Lab of Doom. He’s loading up a phial with his creepy serum and about to store it in a nice secure case when CHRONAL arrives, all super-speedy and cool. SINTARO grins slightly manically.

SINTARO
Ah, Chronal! We finally meet properly. Although for the last time, I’m afraid.

CHRONAL
Possibly. I’m not going to let you take that phial, Sintaro.

SINTARO
No, but I will anyway. You’re crippled right now, Chronal. You can’t freeze time, can you? Only race it. The Narrator’s an unimaginative idiot, but he follows instructions so well.

CHRONAL
You’ve been telling him what to say?

SINTARO
Yes. And now I know your limits, Chronal. You can probably just about outrun the speed of sound; but you’re going to have to outrun both that in the time it takes me to say the trigger word, and the electricity before it kills poor Geoffrey on the other side of the plant.

He waves at a television screen; it shows GEOFFREY in an electric chair, crying again.

CHRONAL
God damn it, Geoffrey!

SINTARO
Quite.

CHRONAL
But… I don’t understand. Why leave me with powers at all? Why not have the Narrator take all of our powers away? Why would you want to set this up?

SINTARO
Because of what you are. You’re everything I want to be, you know. Famous; powerful; successful. A time lord, a leader of powerful people, with respect and power… Well, I’ve beaten you, Chronal. And next time we meet, I’ll be the same as you!

He shows the phial properly; it’s a syringe! Oh noes! CHRONAL tenses; SINTARO grins.

SINTARO
Best save Geoffrey! “Voltaire!”

CHRONAL vanishes, moving so quickly he can’t be seen by the naked eye. SINTARO injects himself and mwahahahas. Rubbish. Then he leaves in his helicopter, which he totally has, by the way. It’s outside the window of his Lab of Doom. As he leaves, we see CHRONAL racing through the plant, pushing himself right to his limit. He gets to the room in time and pulls out the plug socket for the chair. Hurrah! How heroic. He’s now knackered though, and so after untying GEOFFREY he staggers back to the Scribblers clutching his side and panting. It’s still heroic.

Oh, and GEOFFREY goes somewhere. I don’t care where.


Scene the Next. Back in the canteen. CHRONAL turns up at the same time as FINESSE and KAYLEIGH. SHIFT is still being a psycho tiger. The NARRATOR is still asleep.


AMITY
Oh splendid! You’re all okay.

LYRIC
Shift’s gone crazy. It’s a problem.

FINESSE
Hang on…

She concentrates and SHIFT morphs back into a human, looking kind of angry still (residual tiger issues). LYRIC takes the chain away and AMITY cheers her up. It’s all good.

SHIFT
Oh… I think I need to be vegetarian for a few days…

AMITY
Good for you!

FINESSE
Chronal? You’re looking kind of…ragged…

CHRONAL
The Narrator took my time-freezing away. I had to stop Sintaro from killing that hostage guy by running very, very fast.

AMITY
Geoffrey.

CHRONAL
I cannot express how little I care. I can’t freeze time. That is rubbish. Will this be permanent, by the way?

FINESSE
Yes. Wake him up, we’ll make him reverse it.

AMITY wakes the NARRATOR up slowly. As he comes fully awake, he’s about to start shouting when he becomes incredibly contrite. AMITY is terrifying. (But she makes good sandwiches.)

NARRATOR
Oh, Jom… I’m sorry…

WRAITH
Gross. He’s crying.

LYRIC
Give Chronal back his powers, Tom.

NARRATOR
I’m not sure how. What to say…

LYRIC
Try, ‘And then Chronal had all of his powers back.’

NARRATOR
And then Chronal had all of his powers back.

AMITY knocks the NARRATOR out again.


CHRONAL
Yes! That is good news. You know what kind of news that is? Good. Er… although… I should probably tell you all the really bad news.

SHIFT
What?

CHRONAL
Sintaro both took the serum and got away.

SHIFT
Bugger.

AMITY
Oh, well! We’ll get him another time. You never know; the serum might not have worked anyway.

And so, the Scribblers go home (tying up such loose ends along the way as giving the NARRATOR to the police etc) and have tea and biscuits back at The Pit (HQ). They also play games. Games are good.

Fin


******************

Hurrah! A comic to my name, a possible new bad guy and the outing of Jom's Secret Brother. Cracking. Overall, stereotyping people seems to work quite well, although Kayleigh and, indeed, Jester proved almost impossible. I think when I do this again I'll have to re-evaluate. Appologies to anyone who thought they/their powers didn't get enough screen time. It's Very Hard.

4 comments:

Jester said...

More awesomeness! I feel inspired to write more of this myself...

It is difficult writing real people (especially sensitive sorts)- I didn't even bother writing me- I turned myself into a tree to avoid using dialogue.

More Scribblerness would be awesome. More anything else would also be awesome.

Blossom said...

YEAH!!! Go Quoth!! that was brilliant! And you managed to write yourself convincingly out of a hero with narrative powers, which is really Noticeably Tricky. I stayed up specially after going out so I could read it (hence this ludicrous time!). Creating all our Nemeses is a wicked idea too. And i have a power that's really scary!! Awesome!!!! :-)

Write Another One. (Please.) Everyone should write one.

I think the dialogue was really good (lucky, in a script!!), and characterisation too! Particularly impressed with Kayleigh in this episode. We need to make up a suprhero name for her, too. Yay!!! :-)

Quoth the Raven said...

Kayleigh? You were impressed with Kayleigh? I thought I did a worse job on her than I did on Jester! Nice to know I can wing such things.

As a name, how about: Captain Chlorophyll!

...

No?

Blossom said...

Captain Chlorophy?! It's possible she might never forgive you! Surely she should get to be Professor, or Doctor something anyway! Hmmm, tricky! Chloro? Bio? Some compacted version of the Latin for "Life-giver"?

Hmmm. By the way, I now have my computer in the house study! It's lovely in here - feels very calm! :-)