ASBO-Boy - Disassembled: Part 1

When Squeeze opened his eyes all he could hear was the ringing in his head. He was lying on a bed of grass looking up at the evening sky. Around him was a cricle of trees that just obscured the dimming sun. He was trapped in a strange moment where he knew that titanic events lay just beyond the edge of rememberance and, when he ultimately remembered everything, he'd probably wish he was still happily ignorant.

Then the tress moved, and blissfully ignorant or not he knew that wasn't supposed to happen.

"You're right," came a voice, "He is awake." A head came into view, it was smiling down at him in a way he could only describe as sympathetic. Squeeze sat up and shook his head. Then it began to come back. The pile-up, the screaming and the fire. It was all his fault.

Covering his eyes with his hands he wilted back onto the grass and moaned. "It's all my fault."

"Well," the voice returned nonchalantly, "Depends on which bits really." Squeeze recognised the voice now, it was Vue. The grass must be Singleton Park, he mused, hoping briefly that he was dead and Vue was a manifestation of St Peter.

Something growled, or moved, or shifted. Whatever it was, it was loud and didn't sound natural. In shock Squeeze opened his eyes and saw the reason for the moving trees. Core was sitting on a hill, staring down at him like a colossus of rock and moss. "Don't worry about Core. She's not going to hurt you. But I think Arc-Light will."

Squeeze began shaking his head. No, no, no, no, no! This isn't how it was meant to go, he wailed inwardly. Millions of pithy proverbs came treacherously out of the dark to shoot down all the bluster he'd wrapped himself in over the past few weeks. Playing with fire; curious cats; cans of worms. They all teased him mercilessly with his mother's grating whine. He sat up just in time to see Arc-Light appear in front of him.

As he stood up he saw her face twisted with rage, then she smacked him on the side of the head and he fell reeling to the ground.

"You selfish coward!" She screamed, clearly fighting the urge to kick him in the stomach or else fill him with electricity. Vaguely he put his hands up to protest, but with reason, she didn't give him the chance.

"People died because of you. People have lost their homes. And all of our precious work has come to nothing thanks to you." Her anger seemed to consume her and she backed away from him, reviled by what she saw. "Stay away from me." She muttered, her voice sounding spent, her venom turning to grief. He watched numbly as she stalked back down the hill. He stood up to go after her.

"I really wouldn't do that." Vue said frankly.

"Oh yeah?" Squeeze shouted petulantly, "And what would you do?"

"Firstly, I'd drop the childish self-defence. Secondly, I'd have a little humility and shut up. Thirdly, I'd accept the responisbility of my own actions and figure out a way of doing something about it." Vue replied, "And, just in case you're wondering, a couple of years ago I was in exactly your position and didn't do any of what I've just said, so feel free to ignore it." He turned around and walked away towards Core leaving Squeeze feeling broken and alone. No one understood. No one got it. No one realised that he'd had good intentions at heart.

Listen to yourself, he told himself, you sound pathetic.

"Wait!" Squeeze shouted after Vue. There was something in his voice that sounded different. It wasn't scared, it wasn't angry, it wasn't ashamed.

"Yes?"

"What would you do, if you were me?"

Vue looked at the ground. Behind him, Core played with the splintered remains of a tree. "Well… to be honest, you have three choices. Run away, stay exactly where you are, or run forwards. If I were you, knowing what I know then I would keep on running at them. You've made your first move and it was a colossal mistake. You may as well make your second move while they're on the back foot."

"But what about the others…" Squeeze said weakly.

"Don't worry about them. They'll be okay. You on the other hand have to face some issues. Do you, or do you not have the conviction to follow this path through to the end?"

Squeeze looked down at his hands. It was in this park that he'd been caught for spray painting the Uplands with his counter propaganda. He'd thought he was so clever, so sophisticated, so pro-active. He hadn't been doing anything really, he hadn't made an impact. He'd just annoyed the authorities and then he got caught. Simple.

Did he have the conviction? The word buzzed inside him like a vibrating knife, winding its way through his guts, judging him, dissecting him, tearing him apart. All he wanted to do was run away, hide in the shadows, go home even. He thought about his parents, how they'd forgive him, how he'd go to sleep and it would all go away. Then, he thought, he would dream… of the sea. His body chilled and he opened his eyes.

"Yes." He replied, simply.

"Good," Vue replied and chucked a letter over to him, "You may want to look at this then, Gwen left it with me." Squeeze tore open the letter and read over the opening line.

Hello Squeeze, if you're reading this, then you've probably done something stupid…